The Reformation, the beginning

 I don't know if I was struggling as much as others would think or even in the typical definition of the word.  I did however, realize one thing, I needed to convince myself and my subconscious that I was struggling and needed a way out.  It was the only way I saw myself giving up that which was slowly killing me over the years and many of them.  So I took the first step in the same way I gave up cigarettes 20 years prior...straight up cold turkey.  Well, lets not say cold turkey as cold turkey is, my ah-ha moment came a few days later.  

Every day ends with a walk with the pup around the block more times than not if I'm by myself, accompanied with a cold beer.  I did this for the first three days after I committed to myself and my family that I could do this always had a beer.  Then in the third day something strange happened, the beer started to taste funny and I didn't even feel like drinking it, so I placed it on the fence still full and kept on with my walk.  On the return trip and the end of the walk, again, I tried a sip having the same result, funny tasting beer.  So I dumped it and headed for home.

That was it, it was over.  At the time of this writing it has been 278 days since I last had a drink.  The road is long and it was just beginning, I've begun to place one foot in front of the other, day by day, hour by hour (on weekends, they were the toughest especially when its 100 degrees and all I want is a cold one)  So the journey began and rough has been this long road.  The stress of parenting, social events, restaurant nights out, all that has been familiar to me since I started drinking 37 years ago always came with a beer.  My vice was no more, I needed to reset my approach to life and family without the crutch of my old friends.

I replaced the need with better workouts, a cleaner diet, more activity, journaling, meditation and prayer.  Although I still feel the physical withdrawal and need for something cold, I've resorted to club soda, and lots of it to quell the need to have something cold between my fingers.

My renewed relationship with God

Upon the recommendation from a co-worker of which whom I shared my new found sobriety, he extended an invitation to join him at church.  Our church is a non-denominational Pentecostal family.  From the very first service, I knew that I needed this, I needed to be apart of something bigger if I was ever going to be successful on this no more drinking quest.  I like to describe this church in the following few words  "the perfect church for imperfect people"  No one and I mean no one on this earth is perfect, we are all far from it.  I was raised roman catholic and growing up, I was forced to sit through stuffy 42 minute services every Sunday, talk about boring.  This church was something completely unexpected, from the thumping pre-service beats, all the happy faces greeting you at every corner, to the music filled service, all the praising, and energy. I was speechless.  Only thing left to do was clap along and soak it all in.  With about 15 minutes left in the service, the pastor calls on those of us who struggled with anything, alcohol, drugs, porn, bad thoughts, marital issues, anxiety...you name it... if its something in your life you feel has been holding you back from being you true self.  Come up and get prayed on.  I don't know what came over me, out of my seat I jumped and headed for the nearest section leader.  I introduced myself, expressed my need for prayer, and for strength.  She placed her hands on my head and began to pray over me.  I could feel the music thumping through me as the worship team began to lay out their final song.  I focused on the prayer, I focused on myself and my recovery with hope for a new life.  A few minutes later she had finished, she said "may God bless you, you're going to be fine."  Wow what a moment, I wasn't sure what really had just transpired, but I felt a shift.  I was prayed on after the next service as well even anointed with oil, and... after the service was complete, I went over and introduced myself to Pastor Cole this is how our brief conversation went.

"Nice to meet you Pastor Cole, my name is Eric, Torrin invited me tonight.

"Hey Eric, great to meet you, how did you like it tonight?'

"Totally different than what I'm used to being a Catholic, so much energy"

I continued,

"I came tonight because I think I'm done with alcohol"

Pastor stopped me right there...

"Think? brother you're done man!"

as he placed his hand on my shoulder

"Your done, its over!"

I smiled, "thank you I relied, good to meet you, I'll see you next week"

"Yes sir, see you next time Eric"

That was pretty much where I was locked in and completely committed to this... I was about to get all churchy Like!!

To be continued...

Next entry I'll focus on the mindset shift, thought frequency, and self-talk

Weathered soul

He ain’t lost. He’s resting.This right here, this man, beer in hand, sittin’ against a wall where the beach meets his thoughts, is a man who’s seen a few storms blow through. You can tell by the creases in his shirt and the ease in his shoulders. He’s not in a hurry, and he’s not chasin’ anything anymore.He’s not thinkin’ about where he went wrong. He’s thinkin’ about how damn right it feels to finally just be.See that look in his eye? That’s not regret. That’s relief. Relief that he made it through the wild seasons, the loud ones, the lonely ones, the ones where nothin' made sense. Now? He’s found peace in the quiet. In the foam on a cold pint. In the crash of the waves just beyond the frame.He’s not lost. He’s just finally far enough from the noise to hear his own thoughts again.And you, maybe you’re not there yet. Maybe you’re still in the middle of your storm. But let this guy remind you... stillness is waiting. It’s real. And one day, you’ll be sittin’ back just like him, takin’ a sip, and smilin’ because you weathered it too.Welcome to the other side of the wave, my friend. 🌊🍺

American health crisis

In recent years, there has been a concerning trend in America that has seen a rise in both processed food consumption and the use of sunblock. While these two may seem unrelated at first glance, the correlation between the two and their impact on American health is quite significant.

First, let's take a look at processed food. Processed foods are often high in refined sugars, unhealthy fats, and artificial ingredients. These foods lack the necessary nutrients that our bodies need to function properly, leading to a host of health issues such as obesity, heart disease, diabetes, and even certain types of cancer. The convenience and affordability of processed foods have made them a staple in the American diet, resulting in a population that is increasingly overweight and unhealthy.

On the other hand, the use of sunblock has become more widespread in recent years due to increased awareness of the harmful effects of UV radiation on the skin. While sunblock is essential for protecting against sunburn and reducing the risk of skin cancer, it has also led to a widespread deficiency in vitamin D. Vitamin D is essential for maintaining healthy bones, muscles, and immune function, and a lack of it has been linked to a variety of health problems, including depression, asthma, and autoimmune diseases.

So, how do processed food and sunblock intersect in negatively affecting American health? The answer lies in the way in which these two factors work together to create a perfect storm of health issues. Processed foods often lack essential nutrients such as vitamin D, and when coupled with the widespread use of sunblock, Americans are not getting enough of this crucial vitamin from natural sources like sunlight. This deficiency can have serious consequences for overall health and well-being.

Furthermore, some studies have suggested that certain chemicals found in processed foods, such as preservatives and artificial colors, may interact with UV radiation from the sun to increase the risk of skin damage and potentially even skin cancer. This combination of poor diet and excessive sunblock use may be contributing to the rising rates of obesity, chronic disease, and skin health issues in America.

It is important for Americans to be mindful of their dietary choices and sun protection practices in order to maintain optimal health. Choosing whole, unprocessed foods rich in essential nutrients and getting moderate sun exposure to ensure an adequate intake of vitamin D can help mitigate the negative effects of processed foods and sunblock on our health. By making small changes to our lifestyles and being more conscious of what we put into our bodies, we can work towards a healthier and happier future.

Changing the way you think on a quantum level

Have you ever noticed how certain thoughts seem to repeat over and over, like a song stuck in your head? Or how your mood can shift drastically depending on what you’re focusing on? Welcome to the world of thought frequency—a concept that blends neuroscience, mindfulness, and a dash of quantum theory. It’s not just a metaphor. Your thoughts may actually have a kind of frequency, and the quality of those thoughts can shape your inner and outer life.

What Is Thought Frequency?

At its most basic, thought frequency refers to the idea that different types of thoughts (positive, negative, creative, anxious, peaceful, etc.) occur at different "vibrational levels" in the brain. While that may sound a little New Age, there’s science to back it up.

Your brain generates electrical activity through neurons communicating with each other. This activity can be measured in brainwaves: Delta, Theta, Alpha, Beta, and Gamma. Each corresponds with different mental states—deep sleep, relaxation, focus, and heightened awareness. When you're stressed, your brain may fire in fast, chaotic Beta waves. When you're calm and present, you might be in Alpha or even Theta.

In essence, your mental state is measurable energy, and the thoughts you "tune in to" most often determine the overall frequency of your mind.

Why It Matters

The frequency of your dominant thoughts can influence:

Your emotions – Negative thoughts can keep you in low-frequency emotional states like fear, anger, or shame. Positive thoughts lift you toward hope, love, and joy.

Your body – Chronic low-frequency thinking can contribute to stress-related illnesses, while high-frequency thinking has been linked to better immunity and healing.

Your outcomes – Through the lens of the Law of Attraction or cognitive behavioral therapy, the way you think directly affects your perception of reality and your ability to take meaningful action.

Tuning Your Mental Radio

Think of your mind like a radio. If you’re always tuned into the “Worry Channel” or “Self-Doubt FM,” that’s what you’ll hear—and feel—all day. But with awareness and intention, you can change the station. Here’s how:

1. Observe your thoughts without judgment. Meditation helps you notice your inner dialogue, creating space between you and your thoughts.

2. Interrupt negative patterns with intentional shifts. Try gratitude, movement, laughter, or music to break low-frequency spirals.

3. Feed your mind high-frequency content – Books, conversations, and media that uplift, educate, or inspire.

4. Surround yourself with people who operate at a frequency you want to match. Energy is contagious.

The Ripple Effect

When you raise your thought frequency, you don’t just change your life—you affect others. You show up with more patience, creativity, empathy, and vision. Whether it’s your family, workplace, or community, your mental frequency becomes part of a collective energy field. That’s real influence.

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Final Thought

We can’t control every thought that enters our mind—but we can choose which ones we dwell on. Just like a musician can tune an instrument, you can tune your thoughts. The more you align with clarity, peace, and purpose, the more you’ll find the external world beginning to reflect your thoughts 

Pressing on, no matter what

Ernest Hemingway once said that the hardest part of being an adult is having to keep going—even when you feel completely broken inside.

It’s a truth many of us understand. Life doesn’t pause just because we’re tired, heartbroken, or struggling. It keeps moving. There’s no break for grief, no time-out for healing. The world expects us to keep going, even when it’s the last thing we want to do.

What’s worse? No one really warns us about this. As kids, we hear stories where everything works out in the end—where pain has a purpose and happiness always returns. But real life isn’t like that. Most of the time, surviving means showing up when you feel like disappearing, smiling through invisible pain, and carrying on when your heart feels like it’s falling apart.

And yet, we do it. We get up. We move forward, step by step. That’s what makes us human. Even when everything feels heavy, even when hope seems far away—we still try. And with time, we discover a quiet strength inside us. We learn to comfort ourselves when no one else does. We become our own support system.

Resilience isn’t always loud or heroic. Sometimes, it’s just a quiet whisper that says, “Keep going.”

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it’s unfair. And yes, there are days when it feels like too much. But every step you take, no matter how small, is proof that you haven’t given up.

You’re still here. You’re still trying. And that—more than anything—is brave.

Grief

Grief is not just an emotion it's an unraveling, a space where something once lived but is now gone. It carves through you, leaving a hollow ache where love once resided you never truly move on, you move with it, and that the love you had does not disappear,it transforms.

I had a dream last night

Timestamp October 4th 2024

I had a dream last night that foretold an event in our existence that will completely change the reality of the human race. Sometime around the end of 2026 into the beginning of 2027 this occurrence will forever change how we see our future lived our past and how we treat one another moving forward.  There will be no going back to what we knew, and to our young children, the present will fade from their memories as we will have no choice but to face our new  and challenging existence.