Brightwaters

 The oversized Tudor style home was completely environed with tall thick hedges, the kind that made it seem as though we were the only people in the neighborhood.  This home seemed so expansive a the time or at least it felt as such being only four years old at the time.  South Winds Ave. was the place, a three car garage with our apartment above, connected to the main house by way of a covered breeze way lined with thorny rose bushes.  There was a large green and lush manicured lawn where I'd play often adjoined by a graveled driveway which was perfect to practice the art of getting dirty and scraped up.  

We were in part tenants of this small castle, and the king and his queen rarely if ever locked the doors.  On many occasions, I could be found during the pre-dawn hours rummaging through the pantry or snack drawer looking for anything that would pass for a sweet.  I remember distinctly the day I found and introduced myself to "Pop tarts", oh so good. From that day on for weeks, this little four year old raccoon would pilfer the compounds supply of Kellogg's famous pop tarts.  There were many kids that lived here some old some young, so my petty thievery was entirely passed off as scapegoat.  I was in fact caught one morning by an older member of the family who put and end to the great disappearing pop tart caper, and kindly brought me home and had a good laugh with my mother.  I don't ever remember returning to the South Winds castle to relive the crimes I had committed, but there are a few more incidents that occurred here, but those are stories for another time...to be continued....

The human Machine

 There is something to be said about the nutritional fundamentals required to allow the human machine to operate efficiently in its environment.  Take a car for example, if its not running or not running correctly.  Things to check right first would fuel, spark, and compression, if the engine is missing any one of theses three variables, the engine will not start.  You don't start replacing parts that don't correlate to the issue you're having until the problem has been identified and addressed.  

By comparison, the the human machine needs hydration, nutrition and exercise.  The human machine is comprised of 70% water, with out sufficient hydration systems in the body will begin to misfire leading to a multitude of issues, easily correctable by consuming sufficient amounts of water.  Same could be said for good nutritional intake.  A diet consisting high fat and  simple sugars will buck the system, couple that little or no exercise and a myriad of  health problems will arise over the long term.  

Far too many people these days address health problems by consuming meds prescribed from a doctor that are just meant to mask the affects from the cause.  Today in 2020, more than 2/3 of Americans are considered  obese or overweight.  This my friends, is a national problem, that can be corrected, through education, and implementation of good nutritional and exercise practices.

Auto-Suggestion in practice

 Positive roadmap for Auto-Suggestion of the mind.

• I AM WORTH IT

• I AM GRATEFUL FOR THE AIR IN MY LUNGS, THE HEALTH OF MY FAMILY, AND THE LOYALTY OF GOOD FRIENDS

• I AM IMPORTANT

• I SEE THE POSSESSION OF $50,000 IN MY BANK ACCOUNT BY THE END OF 2021, WHICH SHALL COME TO ME IN INCREMENTAL AMOUNTS OVER TIME

• TO OBTAIN THIS MONEY I WILL PROVIDE THE BEST POSSIBLE SERVICE FOR WHICH I W2AS HIRED.

• I BELIEVE THAT I WILL HAVE THIS MONEY IN MY POSSESSION BECAUSE MY FAITH IS STRONG AND I CAN SEE THIS MONEY BEFORE MY EYES, I CAN TOUCH IT WITH MY OWN HANDS.

•  THE MONEY IS NOW AWAITING TRANSFER TO ME IN THE TIME AND PROPORTION I DO SO DESIRE.

• IM AWAITING A PLAN BY WHICH TO ACCUMULATE THIS MONEY AND I WILL FOLLOW THAT PLAN WHEN IT'S RECEIVED.

“FAITH IS THE STRONGEST AND MOST PRODUCTIVE OF THE HUMAN EMOTIONS”

“THESE ARE THE ORDERS GIVEN TO MY SUBCONSCIOUS MIND”

“I AM THE MASTER OF MY FATE AND THE CAPTAIN OF MY SOUL”

Mangiare

 “Do we really want to travel in hermetically sealed popemobiles through the rural provinces of France, Mexico and the Far East, eating only in Hard Rock Cafes and McDonalds? Or do we want to eat without fear, tearing into the local stew, the humble taqueria's mystery meat, the sincerely offered gift of a lightly grilled fish head? I know what I want. I want it all. I want to try everything once.”

Anthony Bourdain    

 "Kitchen Confidential"

“Good food and good eating are about risk.”

Food can be almost anything that we need or imagine... a home cooked meal that's as familiar as growing up in a home where shared meals and conversation were a common sentiment.   Or as simple as a pot of spiced stewed goodness simmering all day on the stovetop waiting for those in the family who know.  Being a dirty stay out sucking down chardonnays and draught beer will most certainly lend the appetite to any available late night all night pizza joint or heavily populated taco bell drive through, which without denial, we've all been guilty of partaking.  

On the formal front if one can appreciate a full on meal with courses ranging from soup and fish course with sorbet separating first course and main...dessert and a sweet aperitif are always well received if the appreciation for such an effort is there

In years bygone a simple snack from a convenience store during an all night drinking binge.  A well done frankfurter from the roller at 7-11 topped with chili and cheese was never denied considering that was the only item within the post drinking budget. 

I like the quick fabrication meals at home created with ingredients that are waning... (I've been crowned the king of making stuff up and making it taste stellar).  An easy fix after a long day of work, easy to eat and make for fully belly and easy rest

Single mans meal... pasta with red sauce

Quick cup of coffee with a friend over conversation....

Powerbars... bananas and water 

I can remember my grandmas simple focaccia style two ingredient pizza and an empty bowl meant more macaroni was on the way.. the Italian way, mangiare she'd say..

Food holds a special power over us passed down through generations, or just a quick fix at the local popular food truck after a night out with friends.. traveling through a new country and sampling the local fare.

Eating is always an adventure for the senses hardy, simple, or delicately prepared.. always seek what whets your appetite.

Raise a glass, cheers!

The Reformation, the beginning

 I don't know if I was struggling as much as others would think or even in the typical definition of the word.  I did however, realize one thing, I needed to convince myself and my subconscious that I was struggling and needed a way out.  It was the only way I saw myself giving up that which was slowly killing me over the years and many of them.  So I took the first step in the same way I gave up cigarettes 20 years prior...straight up cold turkey.  Well, lets not say cold turkey as cold turkey is, my ah-ha moment came a few days later.  

Every day ends with a walk with the pup around the block more times than not if I'm by myself, accompanied with a cold beer.  I did this for the first three days after I committed to myself and my family that I could do this always had a beer.  Then in the third day something strange happened, the beer started to taste funny and I didn't even feel like drinking it, so I placed it on the fence still full and kept on with my walk.  On the return trip and the end of the walk, again, I tried a sip having the same result, funny tasting beer.  So I dumped it and headed for home.

That was it, it was over.  At the time of this writing it has been 278 days since I last had a drink.  The road is long and it was just beginning, I've begun to place one foot in front of the other, day by day, hour by hour (on weekends, they were the toughest especially when its 100 degrees and all I want is a cold one)  So the journey began and rough has been this long road.  The stress of parenting, social events, restaurant nights out, all that has been familiar to me since I started drinking 37 years ago always came with a beer.  My vice was no more, I needed to reset my approach to life and family without the crutch of my old friends.

I replaced the need with better workouts, a cleaner diet, more activity, journaling, meditation and prayer.  Although I still feel the physical withdrawal and need for something cold, I've resorted to club soda, and lots of it to quell the need to have something cold between my fingers.

My renewed relationship with God

Upon the recommendation from a co-worker of which whom I shared my new found sobriety, he extended an invitation to join him at church.  Our church is a non-denominational Pentecostal family.  From the very first service, I knew that I needed this, I needed to be apart of something bigger if I was ever going to be successful on this no more drinking quest.  I like to describe this church in the following few words  "the perfect church for imperfect people"  No one and I mean no one on this earth is perfect, we are all far from it.  I was raised roman catholic and growing up, I was forced to sit through stuffy 42 minute services every Sunday, talk about boring.  This church was something completely unexpected, from the thumping pre-service beats, all the happy faces greeting you at every corner, to the music filled service, all the praising, and energy. I was speechless.  Only thing left to do was clap along and soak it all in.  With about 15 minutes left in the service, the pastor calls on those of us who struggled with anything, alcohol, drugs, porn, bad thoughts, marital issues, anxiety...you name it... if its something in your life you feel has been holding you back from being you true self.  Come up and get prayed on.  I don't know what came over me, out of my seat I jumped and headed for the nearest section leader.  I introduced myself, expressed my need for prayer, and for strength.  She placed her hands on my head and began to pray over me.  I could feel the music thumping through me as the worship team began to lay out their final song.  I focused on the prayer, I focused on myself and my recovery with hope for a new life.  A few minutes later she had finished, she said "may God bless you, you're going to be fine."  Wow what a moment, I wasn't sure what really had just transpired, but I felt a shift.  I was prayed on after the next service as well even anointed with oil, and... after the service was complete, I went over and introduced myself to Pastor Cole this is how our brief conversation went.

"Nice to meet you Pastor Cole, my name is Eric, Torrin invited me tonight.

"Hey Eric, great to meet you, how did you like it tonight?'

"Totally different than what I'm used to being a Catholic, so much energy"

I continued,

"I came tonight because I think I'm done with alcohol"

Pastor stopped me right there...

"Think? brother you're done man!"

as he placed his hand on my shoulder

"Your done, its over!"

I smiled, "thank you I relied, good to meet you, I'll see you next week"

"Yes sir, see you next time Eric"

That was pretty much where I was locked in and completely committed to this... I was about to get all churchy Like!!

To be continued...

Next entry I'll focus on the mindset shift, thought frequency, and self-talk

Weathered soul

He ain’t lost. He’s resting.This right here, this man, beer in hand, sittin’ against a wall where the beach meets his thoughts, is a man who’s seen a few storms blow through. You can tell by the creases in his shirt and the ease in his shoulders. He’s not in a hurry, and he’s not chasin’ anything anymore.He’s not thinkin’ about where he went wrong. He’s thinkin’ about how damn right it feels to finally just be.See that look in his eye? That’s not regret. That’s relief. Relief that he made it through the wild seasons, the loud ones, the lonely ones, the ones where nothin' made sense. Now? He’s found peace in the quiet. In the foam on a cold pint. In the crash of the waves just beyond the frame.He’s not lost. He’s just finally far enough from the noise to hear his own thoughts again.And you, maybe you’re not there yet. Maybe you’re still in the middle of your storm. But let this guy remind you... stillness is waiting. It’s real. And one day, you’ll be sittin’ back just like him, takin’ a sip, and smilin’ because you weathered it too.Welcome to the other side of the wave, my friend. 🌊🍺

American health crisis

In recent years, there has been a concerning trend in America that has seen a rise in both processed food consumption and the use of sunblock. While these two may seem unrelated at first glance, the correlation between the two and their impact on American health is quite significant.

First, let's take a look at processed food. Processed foods are often high in refined sugars, unhealthy fats, and artificial ingredients. These foods lack the necessary nutrients that our bodies need to function properly, leading to a host of health issues such as obesity, heart disease, diabetes, and even certain types of cancer. The convenience and affordability of processed foods have made them a staple in the American diet, resulting in a population that is increasingly overweight and unhealthy.

On the other hand, the use of sunblock has become more widespread in recent years due to increased awareness of the harmful effects of UV radiation on the skin. While sunblock is essential for protecting against sunburn and reducing the risk of skin cancer, it has also led to a widespread deficiency in vitamin D. Vitamin D is essential for maintaining healthy bones, muscles, and immune function, and a lack of it has been linked to a variety of health problems, including depression, asthma, and autoimmune diseases.

So, how do processed food and sunblock intersect in negatively affecting American health? The answer lies in the way in which these two factors work together to create a perfect storm of health issues. Processed foods often lack essential nutrients such as vitamin D, and when coupled with the widespread use of sunblock, Americans are not getting enough of this crucial vitamin from natural sources like sunlight. This deficiency can have serious consequences for overall health and well-being.

Furthermore, some studies have suggested that certain chemicals found in processed foods, such as preservatives and artificial colors, may interact with UV radiation from the sun to increase the risk of skin damage and potentially even skin cancer. This combination of poor diet and excessive sunblock use may be contributing to the rising rates of obesity, chronic disease, and skin health issues in America.

It is important for Americans to be mindful of their dietary choices and sun protection practices in order to maintain optimal health. Choosing whole, unprocessed foods rich in essential nutrients and getting moderate sun exposure to ensure an adequate intake of vitamin D can help mitigate the negative effects of processed foods and sunblock on our health. By making small changes to our lifestyles and being more conscious of what we put into our bodies, we can work towards a healthier and happier future.